Ughh I want to text this boy. I can’t though. He talks to someone yet presents himself as fair game. He’s my type, but younger. I’m trying to stay away from these cubs but they keep finding me. I can’t talk to him because he’ll brag to the circle of friends that we share. I don’t normally text anyone first, so texting him would show interest. I’m not trying to play games but why does it feel like I’ve entered one? Ughh boyssss.
If I was to text him though I don’t know how I would start it off. Maybe something like:
- “You don’t know how to text?”
- “Heyyy, how was your day?“
- “When are we going to hang out?”
But then I think about the drama that can occur. Another problem I don’t need to add to my life. I always end up disappointed in the end anyway, feelings of regret and wishing I never messed with these men in the first place.
But I also don’t want to be a woman who doesn’t give chances to men out of fear. An avoidant woman too scared to even give a man an opportunity. Too broken to see a blessing standing in my face.
I feel chemistry with him. Something I haven’t felt for a while. However, I feel like I pulled away when he tried touching me. Caught a little off guard by the sudden light touch of his hands caressing my arms as he asked me to go to a park with him (as friends of course). I wasn’t sure if I liked it. What I was sure of was that I wasn’t going to give him a chance. I don’t like some of his choice of words and he talks about himself a lot. Doesn’t know what he wants. Jumps from girl to girl it seems. Arrogant and thinks he can pull any girl he wants. Claims that he’s loyal, yet loves making his girl jealous with his female friends. Loyal but flirting with me while still tangled up with her. Cocky as to think any girl would sleep with him because he’s quote “like that”. So you can see my hesitation?
Yet these are the men I’m attracted to. Am I emotionally unavailable? I thought I was working on it and getting better. Yet I’m attracted to the same old thing.
He does have some good qualities though. He has goals, unlike anyone I’ve met before. We talked about our futures separately and it sounds like we want to end up in the same place. He asked questions about me, which not a lot of guys are good at. He’s fairly smooth. He can make me laugh and I can make him laugh.
I’m never really able to tell when a guy has a good conversation, though, because I talk so much. I pick up so much of the slack, and maybe that’s because I like to be in control and don’t give others the chance to speak. But a lot of people hold silence, and I just feel like I have to fill it unless I’m comfortable with the person.
He kind of got a sour look on his face when I was waving at another man that walked in which kind of gave me the ick. Like why are you jealous? You have to know if you’re trying to talk to me, other men are trying to talk to me. Just like other women are trying to talk to you, not to mention the girl you are currently SMASHING.
I can’t let him know I’m interested. Call it pride, ego, or avoidance, but what would you do if you were in my shoes?
I’m resisting the urge to text him, but the more I tell myself not to do it, the more I want to. Let the games begin.
Echo R.S 