Echo R.S💕

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

A lot of men don’t deserve you, stay focused on your career and when it’s time to be loved, the right one will find you. Don’t let men use you for your body, beauty and youth. Never be ashamed to be yourself, people are going to dislike you whether you’re fake or not. You won’t always like constructive criticism but it’ll make you better. Not everyone will agree with your ideals. Not everyone is meant for you. Should’ve done better in school. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Be more considerate. Less selfish. The world is bigger than you. Find your purpose.

Journal Entry #4

Tonight wasn’t fun at all. My grandad once told me I hate not being the center of attention. While that might be partially true, I usually let others shine. I was at a bridal shower for a good friend’s upcoming wedding, and at first, everything seemed great.

My cousin—who is always the life of the party—fit right in, and the other bridesmaids were cool too. Then the maid of honor arrived. At first, I thought we had sorted things out. We had vibed once when she wanted to cuddle, but I made it clear I wasn’t into that. Later, during our second meeting, she and her friends talked about me behind my back, making it obvious they didn’t like me. I let it slide for the sake of my friend Jalexis, since we’re all part of the bridal party. But don’t get it twisted—I’m not someone who just takes abuse.

Fast forward to tonight at the club: I felt excluded, judged, and laughed at. Despite my efforts to be myself, I had no support system. It hurt that a friend like Jalexis let her own group influence how she treated me. Even though Jalexis has her good moments, tonight she turned her back on me, leaving me feeling deliberately sidelined.

I showed up, sacrificed my time, and went along with everything—even against my better judgment—only to be met with disregard. It’s frustrating how people can dislike you without really knowing you. I’m not here to prove myself to anyone. If you don’t like me, that’s your problem.

I tried to have a good time, but without my cousin’s vibe or any real support, downtown just didn’t feel like the scene anymore.

Who are your favorite people to be around?

My family

A Fight Within😔

I feel like snapping. There’s a part of me that wants to give in—to turn away from the good in me, to surrender to the bad urges clawing at the surface. A part of me that’s fighting the rest.

God, why did You give us the ability to feel this way? To battle ourselves like this?

A part of me wants to sink into hopelessness. To believe that no one is here to save me. That I should just give up and watch my life pass me by. There’s a weight in my chest, a part of me that just wants to be a passenger.

I need to stop drinking. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I thought wine was harmless. Apparently, not all wine is.

Spiritual Warfare Entry #1

Here we go again.

Apparently, I’m under a spiritual attack. And it only started after I spoke the name Yahweh—the name of our one true God, the Father of Jesus Christ, the Creator of everything. I know Yahweh tests faith. He puts us in situations, lets the enemy come close. But I hope He doesn’t put me through that. I pray He doesn’t.

The reason I say I’m under attack is because the devil has been sending my mom dreams—visions of me dying and going to hell. Of me caught in some kind of trance. I rebuke thee. I’m not afraid of Lucy because I know I’m covered in the blood of Jesus Christ. But part of me wonders… is this more about her demons than mine?

It was still unsettling to hear.

She doesn’t tell me everything because she knows I overthink. What she doesn’t realize is that overthinking helps me prepare for what’s coming. The way she experiences spiritual warfare and the way I experience it—it’s different.

Opening up spiritually has changed me. It’s made me question everything. I don’t know if I’m seeing things for what they really are, or if I’m just going crazy. Maybe this is the beginning of schizophrenia. Maybe this is what a spiritual awakening feels like.

Am I on the right path? Or am I losing my mind?

I can’t even look at my family the same anymore. Take my cousin, for example—I love her to death. But when we had a sleepover and she lay next to me, every time she moved, a thought crept in: What if she stabs me in the back?

I don’t know why I thought that. I know she wouldn’t do that… right?

Maybe spirituality isn’t for everyone. I’m starting to think it isn’t for me either. But I feel like it chose me. And now that I’ve started, now that I know the truth, I can’t go back. I can’t unsee. I can’t live the way I used to live.

And why would I?

Too much is happening in this world to not have the Lord’s protection. I know He tests us—not just our faith, but our spirit. We can be angry at Him, but we were the ones who chose the tree of good and evil. Now only the strongest souls will make it out alive.

I don’t want to burn for eternity. But I also don’t want my mind turning against me.

I don’t want to be here. But I don’t want to leave, either.

This world is cruel. Greedy. Evil. Why would anyone want to stay here? No wonder the good die young—they weren’t meant to see the end. The ones who live through it will wish they could die but will have no choice but to endure it all.

And yet, even knowing all this, I’m still afraid of death.

Even though I know there’s more after this. Something better.