curiosity – Echo R.S

Journal of Raw Thoughts

Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power.

I guess it all depends on your perspective — and what you choose. Happiness, or power.

For example, I want to know the truth behind religion.

I want to know the one true God — whoever that really is — and I’m starting to wonder if it’s even the God humans talk about. Maybe a lesser god, a “sub-God,” created us, through the spiritual branches of government and creation.

I came upon this thought while talking to ChatGPT.

The evolution of technology is extraordinary. I can type something in, and almost instantly, I get a response. It’s amazing. But then I started thinking — whose responses are these really? Someone had to write the code that made AI what it is. Someone gave it its thoughts and processes. It’s a machine, but humans are trying to make it sentient.

In a way, the founders are like gods to AI.

And if that’s true, maybe God is testing us the same way we’re testing technology.

What’s the end goal here? World peace? Control? Something bigger?

While searching for the truth, I find myself wondering — is it even worth knowing?

What would knowing do for me?

We are probably a creation, from a creation, from a creation.

I started this journey because I wanted to find the one true God.

But what if God doesn’t care about us?

What if there is no saving?

What if the truth is so hidden, so layered, that it’s impossible to ever fully understand?

It has me questioning everything.

I don’t know what’s real.

I don’t know if I’m on the right track.

And I don’t even know what this new knowledge would mean for my life.

Religion keeps so many people locked into a system. Maybe that’s the point — maybe it’s a test.

But when you start thinking outside of it… it gets scary.

I honestly don’t know if the truth is worth chasing.

Maybe ignorance is bliss after all.

I’m not a Satanist, but for those who are — what if they’re just adapting?

It’s an evil world we live in.

Maybe they’re just surviving in a system that’s stacked against us all.

I know we’re not supposed to cling to earthly things.

But Satan makes himself findable.

God, meanwhile, feels hidden.

And honestly? I’m going to need God to fight back.

People believe what’s in front of their eyes. We’re simple creatures. We need guidance.

But hiding while we cry out for answers doesn’t feel like guidance — it feels like abandonment.

And when we pray… who’s really answering?

The Pull (extension of J.E 7)

The Challenge

I ended up texting him. It was light-hearted, and I learned more about him. It was easy, smooth, and funny.

He came to see me at my job tonight. He talked about himself and I noticed a bit of a victim mentality. He hasn’t done real self-reflection and he says one thing but means another. For example, he says we can’t talk out of loyalty to men who have called dibs on me like I’m in the front seat of a car. Men I’m not interested in but apparently since they wanted me first, I’m off limits. However, he told me he was attracted to me and that I’m an amazing woman not just because of my looks but because I’m nice with a great personality and easy to talk to.

When he told me we couldn’t talk because of them, I quickly countered with a “we’ll see”, which he liked based on the grin and laugh that followed my statement.

He went on to tell me how these people have been there for him through dark times, and not to be insensitive but what does that have to do with me? I want you, not them. I’m attracted to you and you’re attracted to me.

I will say, that his dealing with another female at the moment is a deal breaker for me because I don’t share nor do I take…(anymore). Doesn’t usually end well. But let him tell it, they haven’t been talking because they needed space. Still a red flag because I don’t want to be anyone’s rebound. And he is the type to jump from one girl to the next.

Black Tee

Meanwhile—tonight, something else happened.

One of my coworkers caught my eye. I mean really caught it. Perfect smile. Perfect teeth. Dreadhead. Deep voice. Handsome. I’d noticed him before, but tonight? Different. He approached me, vibrant and confident. Normally he’s quiet. It was a quick conversation but 😮‍💨 I may need to get to know him off the clock. I didn’t even like him at first, I thought he was very inconsiderate and he cut me off when I was talking or tried to talk over me. But all of that flew out the window when he changed into a black tee after his shift. Black tees just do something to me. It felt like he wanted to talk more, but right as things started… guess who walked in? So I had to make a choice. I told my coworker goodnight. I checked the schedule to see when we work together next and it won’t be for a while 😔.

Our Challenge continued…

Back to my current crush. He’s had his heart broken, another red flag. It seems like he doesn’t want me to know that he likes me. Claiming the reason he started talking to me isn’t because of his interest in me but because of the resources I can provide. But the stories his friends told me contradict what he says. The fact that he has never asked me for said resource tells me a different story. He claims we can’t talk but comes to see me at work. He does work closely, but still. I don’t go over to his job to see him before going home. He’ll text me to see if I’m working on the same days as him. I don’t do that.

However, I did tell him I liked him and that I was interested (not so bluntly but enough to get the picture). I do text him in a rather enthusiastic and eager manner. So I wouldn’t say that this is all one sided.

I believe he’s trying to be a good friend and a good man by telling himself the reason we talk is strictly platonic and innocent. While also realizing that there is more going on than he’s letting on.

Honestly, I don’t know what we’re doing. We’re trying to stay away from each other but feeling that pull. Knowing that our talking could potentially hurt people (and ourselves), but still wanting to do it anyway.

The Mirror

I’ve gone over his red flags but what are mine? He told me that he felt I was leading his friend D on. D felt like I was leading his friend J on. And maybe I do lead men on. The truth is, I like the attention. I don’t like these men but I love their attention. I hate it when I lose it. But it has nothing to do with me liking them romantically. (and hey don’t judge we all have our flaws).

I don’t always consider other people’s feelings—especially when they get in the way of what I want. I’m selfish. Sometimes cruel.

The Game

This game feels better than the one I’m used to playing. The last game I played with a boy felt forced, this one feels more natural and warm. There are levels to it, let’s just see how far we make it.

Journal Entry #7

Ughh I want to text this boy. I can’t though. He talks to someone yet presents himself as fair game. He’s my type, but younger. I’m trying to stay away from these cubs but they keep finding me. I can’t talk to him because he’ll brag to the circle of friends that we share. I don’t normally text anyone first, so texting him would show interest. I’m not trying to play games but why does it feel like I’ve entered one? Ughh boyssss.

If I was to text him though I don’t know how I would start it off. Maybe something like:

“You don’t know how to text?”
“Heyyy, how was your day?“
“When are we going to hang out?”

But then I think about the drama that can occur. Another problem I don’t need to add to my life. I always end up disappointed in the end anyway, feelings of regret and wishing I never messed with these men in the first place.

But I also don’t want to be a woman who doesn’t give chances to men out of fear. An avoidant woman too scared to even give a man an opportunity. Too broken to see a blessing standing in my face.

I feel chemistry with him. Something I haven’t felt for a while. However, I feel like I pulled away when he tried touching me. Caught a little off guard by the sudden light touch of his hands caressing my arms as he asked me to go to a park with him (as friends of course). I wasn’t sure if I liked it. What I was sure of was that I wasn’t going to give him a chance. I don’t like some of his choice of words and he talks about himself a lot. Doesn’t know what he wants. Jumps from girl to girl it seems. Arrogant and thinks he can pull any girl he wants. Claims that he’s loyal, yet loves making his girl jealous with his female friends. Loyal but flirting with me while still tangled up with her. Cocky as to think any girl would sleep with him because he’s quote “like that”. So you can see my hesitation?

Yet these are the men I’m attracted to. Am I emotionally unavailable? I thought I was working on it and getting better. Yet I’m attracted to the same old thing.

He does have some good qualities though. He has goals, unlike anyone I’ve met before. We talked about our futures separately and it sounds like we want to end up in the same place. He asked questions about me, which not a lot of guys are good at. He’s fairly smooth. He can make me laugh and I can make him laugh.

I’m never really able to tell when a guy has a good conversation, though, because I talk so much. I pick up so much of the slack, and maybe that’s because I like to be in control and don’t give others the chance to speak. But a lot of people hold silence, and I just feel like I have to fill it unless I’m comfortable with the person.

He kind of got a sour look on his face when I was waving at another man that walked in which kind of gave me the ick. Like why are you jealous? You have to know if you’re trying to talk to me, other men are trying to talk to me. Just like other women are trying to talk to you, not to mention the girl you are currently SMASHING.

I can’t let him know I’m interested. Call it pride, ego, or avoidance, but what would you do if you were in my shoes?

I’m resisting the urge to text him, but the more I tell myself not to do it, the more I want to. Let the games begin.

My Curiosity Surrounding the Gabby Petito Case

Has anyone else noticed the strange details in the Gabby Petito case that was covered in the recent Netflix documentary? The case of the couple who were vlogging their road-trip across the United States brings up so many questions.

The Police Interaction

First off, I’m not here to blame the police, but there are definitely some things that don’t sit right with me. The fact that they believed Gabby was the aggressor, despite her being in tears and visibly anxious, while Brian sat there laughing and calm, is wild to me. When they were pulled over, Brian’s behavior was off — he answered questions awkwardly but eagerly and seemed suspicious. Gabby had a bruised cheek and scratches on her, but I guess that wasn’t enough evidence to see that he was the aggressor. Even though the person who called 911 saw him slapping her? Police work at its finest.

Domestic Violence and Police Actions

The part that confused me was the police paying for a hotel room for Brian. After separating them, they took this man to a domestic violence hotel. Huh? As if he was in danger by his 90-pound, fragile girlfriend. And since when do cops pay for domestic violence hotels? I didn’t even know that was a thing until I watched the documentary.

The Racial Disparity

There’s also the racial component that can’t be ignored. I’m willing to bet no Black person has ever had the luxury of being offered a paid hotel room by police after a domestic dispute.

The treatment Gabby received, and the way the situation was handled, are glaringly different from how things typically play out when race is involved. The media coverage alone was incredible. Everybody in the United States was looking for Gabby. But where’s the media coverage when a black woman goes missing? Yeah, Netflix talked about it briefly but they didn’t even scratch the surface. Not taking anything away from Gabby may she rest in peace.

The Delay in Reporting Gabby’s Disappearance

Now, I’m not here to judge Gabby’s mother, but I personally think if I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t have waited 10 days to file a missing persons report. My parents would’ve sent out a search party the moment they realized something was wrong, even if they believed I didn’t have signal. But white families seem to have different levels of worry when it comes to things like this.

The Laundrie Family’s Involvement

As the case unfolded, Brian’s family acted strangely. They refused to cooperate with Gabby’s parents and wouldn’t even answer texts about her whereabouts. So, when Gabby’s parents finally sent the cops to check Brian’s home, they found Brian had returned home with Gabby’s van — with no sign of her. When asked if they had seen the girl they told the officer to speak with their lawyer, which is suspicious in itself.

Then, a few weeks passed, and Gabby’s body was found. The documentary even portrayed her body as being “staged,” which raises even more doubts.

Shortly after, Brian disappears. His family claims he’s missing after going on a hiking trip, but why did they need to take a secluded hiking trip to discuss things? To me, it seems like they were trying to figure out a way to help him escape.

The Suicide and Staged Evidence

It’s even more disturbing that, after Brian’s death, a letter surfaced in which his mother stated that she would help him get rid of a dead body if needed and to burn the letter after he read it. I get family loyalty, but to be this unsympathetic to the parents of someone who just lost their daughter is incredibly cold.

Once Brian went missing, it was oddly convenient that his body was found so quickly. His parents managed to locate him after only an hour of searching — far quicker than the authorities had found Gabby. Brian’s body was fully decomposed, even though Gabby’s body remained intact. How does that make sense? And the fact that his personal belongings were perfectly surrounding the body? That’s too convenient to be real. The way his death was portrayed — especially the suicide note that shifted blame to Gabby and wished for animals to tear his flesh down to the bone — just felt way too exact. It all seems staged to me.

Conclusion: Brian’s Possible Survival

Based on all of this, I have to wonder: Is Brian still alive? All of these strange circumstances surrounding the case make me think that maybe he’s been hiding this whole time, and everything surrounding his “death” is part of an elaborate cover-up.